Skiers and snowboarders are practitioners of a very expensive pastime. Unlike sports such as basketball or soccer that only require a ball and a place to play, or activities like jogging, which only requires you to have feet and the ability to go outside (those under house arrest, sorry, you’ll have a hard time with this), skiing and snowboarding require A LOT of gear. Skis or snowboard, to boots, gloves, goggles, helmets, beanies, jackets, pants (hopefully waterproof with sweet ventilation), thermals, warm but breathable socks, bandanas, face masks, lift tickets etc… I think you catch my drift.
Rather than paying full price for my equipment, I have often gone to eBay to grab some sick deals on gear that would normally cost my whole paycheck. You can find some awesome bargains – I once got an unreleased Travis Rice pro model snowboard straight from the factory for $200 (it had a minor scratch so it wasn’t being shipped to stores for the coming winter).
While you can come across an insane deal on eBay for a pair of Bluehouse skis, you will also sift through some ridiculous and strange ski accessories. Here are five ridiculous and strange ski accessories that I found on eBay.
#5 – Goblin Ski Patrol
For anyone that has ducked under one too many fences or too explicitly crossed over into out-of-bounds territory, this Magic: The Gathering card can invite memories of overly stern Ski Patrollers. While most of them are chill dudes, any position of authority can bring some goblins with it.
Keep this card next to your season pass to ward off evil spirits.
#4 – Bizarre Beanies/Face Masks
I found sooooo many weird face masks and beanies on eBay. These cover your face, and have eye and mouth-holes so that you can see and breathe, while keeping your face nice and warm. They also would work great in a bank heist. They range from the fairly tame superhero and movie character themed beanie to help you bare likeness to your favorite Marvel or Ghostbusters characters…
…to the strange and downright disturbing neoprene face mask that seems intended to scare small children.
While I do like that Crash Dummy mask, I can cringingly imagine my little sister seeing someone bombing down the hill towards her while wearing one of these, and then panicking and never wanting to snowboard again.
This is a family sport, people. Come on. Relegate these to bank heists.
#3 – Vintage Aluminum Arctic Space Age Goggles
These goggles, with an annoyingly long eBay title, can be described as “ludicrous”, “silly,” and “bad-ass.”
I have no idea how well these will protect you from snow and wind. The aluminum will probably get really, really, really cold. I also am not sure you will be able to see out of them.
These are not likely to be very functional – but you will look like a Jetson if you wear them. Which is always a good thing.
#2 – The Beardski
When I saw this knit beard-beanie, I almost lost it. Nothing could be more brilliant than this, I said to myself. Not only is it a stylin beanie, but the beard will keep your face warm as well? Awesome!
I was then alerted to the fact that this knit beard would get sopping wet in the snow. And it would probably freeze to your face.
Until I found…
YES!!! With a neoprene face mask (so your face stays warm and dry) and a Beardski that’s at least 5 times the length of the median beard size, YOU CANNOT GO WRONG.
This wacky ski accessory has it all – humor, irony, fashion, and even a little bit of sophistication. All the young skiers and shredders will be looking up to you like you’re a wise old sage. You’ll feel like the Man on the Hill while wearing this Beardski.
And you will also be the most fashionable person tearing up the slopes.
Or will you…?
#1 – Swarovski Studded Crystograph Bogner Ski Helmet
This ski helmet is ridiculous. Covered in 20,000 Swarovski Crystals, Golden Shadow, and Black Diamond, the going price for this helmet is about 19 grand.
The one on eBay was actually scooped up before I finished writing this blog post.
While wearing this will make you the most stylish person on the slopes, actually using it as a helmet might not work. For example, if you fall on your head, might there be danger of all the crystals falling off?
And you really shouldn’t leave it at your table when you go grab some chili and chicken fingers.
And there you have it. 5 ridiculous and strange ski accessories on eBay. What’s the strangest accessory you’ve found?